A Whole Lot Of Love
by eilatansayah
Summary: This sequal is set straight after my story 'All Aboard'.


**The follows on straight after my story 'All Aboard', there are some references that you want understand unless you read it first.**

**I wanted to convey how hot sweaty and fantastic sex can be with the right person – I hope I managed it.**

**I also want to point out how frustrated I am when I think about the Aaron/Jackson storyline on screen. Every time I write a one-shot or read another author's work I can't help but be annoyed that the writers gave the assisted suicide storyline to the boys. It was well done and all the actors were amazing I can't deny that, but they didn't even bother to touch on Aaron coming to terms with himself within a relationship. I just think there was so much potential between them already.**

**Rant over.**

"I'm ready."

I say these words intently, staring into his eyes and reinforcing there meaning but even as I do my heart quicken and my breath goes shallow with apprehension, he looks at me unsurely.

"You sure?"

And am sure, I know I am. I've wanted to do this for so long but even though I know this to be true I can't understand it. I remember over the years picking up snippets of conversation from the grown-ups around me, my Dad in particular laughing at the idea and dismissing anyone who enjoys that sort of thing as 'not a real man'.

So is it only gay men who like it? I mean I've never done it before yet I want to, does that mean it's some kind of habitual thing that gay men instinctually crave? I just can't understand it.

"There's no rush, maybe we should wait?"

I frown at Jackson, not getting him "Why it was your idea?"

He pulls back uncomfortably, "I don't want to push you into anything."

My frown deepens and he looks at me warily. Once at the garage I listened to Cain talking to Ryan about gay relationships and how there's always one who plays the man and the other the women. Ryan replied that he was completely over stereotyping and when they'd asked me my opinion I'd snapped back that I didn't care about stupid queers, they'd both rolled their eyes. But in this moment Cain's words haunt me.

"I'm not some stupid girl, you don't have to buy me flowers and walk me home."

Jackson frowns at me, "Where did that come from?"

"You saying 'you don't want to push me'."

He rolls his eyes exasperated, one thing I've noticed is that Jackson is often exasperated, "Aaron, that's not me treating you like a women, that's me being a decent considerate human being and caring about you."

"Well there's no need."

Now he just pulls a face like I'm mad, during our conversation he's moved further and further away, "I wished you'd listen to yourself sometimes Aaron," he gets up and moves to the kitchen, ending the conversation and suddenly I don't know what's happened. Only minutes before we were intimately entwined and we were talking and laughing, we'd just managed to banish my most recent bizarre behaviour only for me to immediately start it again. I quickly sit forward and press the heel of my hands into my eyes, pressing so hard that colours start to form beneath my lids.

Every day I wonder why Jackson puts up with me; I'm a complete head case and always will be and react so strangely to even the smallest things. Only the other day we were walking across the village when Jackson's hand accidently brushed up against my own, it wasn't deliberate and could happen between any two people. I tensed immediately and I could sense Jackson doing the same because he knows that this is exactly the sort of ridiculous thing that could send me over the edge. Me being the nutter I am moved ahead ensuring that it couldn't happen again, from the outside no one would have even noticed but Jackson did. The sad thing is, and this is something that even I know, is that brushing fingers with the person you're dating is exactly the sort of thing that should happen.

So I guess this is it, I've done it again and spoiled things and essentially cut off my nose to spite my face. Jackson is emptying a shopping bag on the kitchen counter and I notice the fancy sausages and potatoes he's brought from Layla's shop, he wanted to make me banners and mash – he always wants to do stuff for me.

"I'm sorry."

He pauses listening to my words and leaning heavily against the counter, Jackson looks tired and I wonder if it's me wearing him down, "Ok".

This is the weird pattern that is our relationship – I mess up and he accepts my apology then I mess up again.

"I'll get the tea on," he sounds so weary and exhausted and I know it's me doing it, I find myself wondering if he smiles less since meeting me and suddenly need to know, "it feels like longer than 37 days doesn't it?"

A look of confusion crosses Jackson's features, "37 days?"

"Since we started going out together."

He gives me a look that I can't interpret, "that's how long it's been?"

"We got together on the 17th of June," I think for a moment, "although we met on the 22nd of March, I guess its how you look at it."

Strangely he's squinting at me with a look of complete surprise on his face and I'm not sure what he's thinking and a small smile comes to his lips. This happens a lot and I always know it's because I've just said the right thing but I'm never sure what it is. I grin at him unsurely and scratch my head, "What?"

"You remember the date we met?"

"Yeah."

"The exact date?"

Now I feel uncomfortable because remembering this seems to mean something to Jackson and that's not something I can cope with particularly well, "Yeah, don't be weird."

He's staring at the ceiling trying to calculate something and then looks at me smiling widely, "that means that we'll be coming up to our 6 month anniversary in a couple of weeks."

I frown at him, "don't be gay."

Jackson face immediately drops, "What have a told you about that?" Jackson hates it when I use the word gay to describe something negative, he once gave me a huge lecture about the effect that sort of language has for gay rights and as a gay man I had a responsibility not to validate it. This was the one and only conversation we've ever had about anything like that thankfully; I couldn't cope with having that kind of boyfriend what with me barely being out of the closet. Sometimes I think I'm not even out; it's more like I dip my toe or poke my nose out to smell the air every now and again before retreating safely, " sorry, " I roll my eyes, " I mean don't be daft."

He crosses his arm apparently sated, "I'm not being daft, I want flowers and dinner at a posh restaurant."

"No you don't," there's one thing about Jackson I know and that's that he doesn't care for much fuss, a take away and a DVD with a six pack will do for him.

"No you're right I don't but I'm still dead chuffed that you remembered the date we first met."

I shrug completely embarrassed and try to hide the blush that gives away my discomfort.

Jackson just chuckles at me, "guess that makes me the women doesn't it?" I look at him not completely understanding, "being happy when boyfriends remember important dates – that's what every women wants isn't it?"

Jackson couldn't behave less female if he tried, right down to how he only takes 5 minutes getting ready in the mornings and the way he shouts aggressively during football matches, "you're nothing like a woman." I grit my teeth because I know what he's done, he has an amazing uncanny way of making me realise how stupid some of my thought processes are and he manages it every time which so far is almost daily.

He licks his lips and stares at me, "neither are you and absolutely nothing either of us do will make you one."

I stare at him for a moment, fully digesting his words, "ok," I say but the word gets caught in my throat and I end up mouthing it instead, he smiles and winks at me before turning back to the potatoes that he's about to peel.

And there we have it again, second disaster averted within twenty minutes. Jackson it appears has the patience of a saint or just enjoys punishment because surely that's what being with me is. I watch him for a moment scraping on the skin of the potatoes, slumping back into Jackson's sofa as I do, he seems happy and I honestly can't understand why.

What I've come to realise is that I'm a burden and I need to be carried at all times. Paddy used to always carry me but since Jackson came along he's taken over. There's lots of little everyday things – I've never cooked for him – he always ends up always doing it, he drives me everywhere (all though this is down to me not having a car) and I rarely ask him what he wants – I'm quite selfish like that. But more importantly it's the big relationship things that I burden him with. Every new thing is a struggle and I'm dragged kicking and screaming into it. Our first kiss – the first time we were intimate together, being seen out together around the village. Even the last few days when Jackson suggested we had full sex for the first time I ran away, it was the most ridiculous reaction I could have managed especially considering how much I wanted it. And yet he was kind and patient and wasn't even slightly offended that I went out and got completely hammered before throwing myself at him. God I really suck.

"You ok?"

I look up to see Jackson watching me; he's put the peeler down and his giving me his full attention. That's another thing I can't manage – hiding when I'm upset, I'll walk around with a right face on me all day long and yet I won't say what's actually the matter – it really frustrates everyone.

Jackson's still looking at me and I wonder what to tell him because what's wrong with me is that I desperately want to sleep with him and yet in my head I'm replaying all those snippets of conversation's I've heard over the years. I know only I can sort that out, he would probably try, he'd sit down next to me and spell out whatever he needs to for me to get over myself.

In that moment I know I need to make a decision; I've had enough, "Yeah I'm fine," Jackson's giving me an odd look as I get up and head in his direction, "you sure?"

"yeah," I've made a decision.

I move slowly towards him trying to keep my nerve as I do and it's clear he can't read my behaviour. He's leaning heavily against the counter and when I get close enough, I grab his wrist; removing it from the counter top and making him loose balance slightly, "Aaron?" Rather than answer I slip between his still frame and the kitchen counter, the space is small and I'm immediately squashed between them, I can feel him pressed up fully against me.

"Aaron?" He has a disbelieving glint in his eye and I can understand it, I've never done this before, never initiated any sexual encounter, rarely even a kiss. I reach my hands to cup his head whilst staring into his eyes – he's slightly taller than me but it's not much of a reach as I trace his lips with my fingers. "I want to sleep with you," the heat rises to my cheeks as I open up to him, "I want to do everything," suddenly he shudders and I realise it's from anticipation.

I lean forward and capture his lips, sucking on them when he pulls back after a moment, trapping him in place. When I finally release them he's holding his breath and I find myself enthralled in his beautiful brown eyes, "I've never wanted anything more."

Jackson's shaking his head disbelievingly and all he can do is mouth his agreement as I kiss the tip of his nose. "Come on," I whisper as I grab his hand and lead him towards the bedroom stopping just before his bed. I feel his body gently bump me from behind and immediately his arms surround me, as one hand starts outlining the hem of my t-shirt, the other is stroking my neck.

Even though we've never had full sex, there has been plenty of opportunity for us to become familiar with each other's preferences. There's the obvious of cause, we both completely get off on blow jobs though I'm awkward to say I've only ever done it to him twice and it wasn't the best experience I could have given him. It comes down to that whole worrying what it makes me as a man; Jackson doesn't have that problem he'll quite happily go down on me. Every time he does I'm floored, it's absolutely amazing watching him as he moves up and down with utter concentration, he always tries to maintain eye contact and I'm so transfixed that in that moment I could believe we are the only two people in the world.

There are other less obvious things as well, for me it is my neck, whenever Jackson goes near it I melt completely and fall into a puddle of liquid, I'd quite happily lie for hours whilst Jackson lick and bit and blew on my neck. For Jackson it is his pelvic bone, suck and nibble on it and it drives him wild and he can barely keep his hips stills, I get off on his reaction so much that I couldn't imagine it possible. Every time I'm there I'm tempted to move over slightly and take his penis between my lips and I know he really wants this but I don't because of my silly hang ups. But today is different because today all those daft silly things are going to be forgotten.

I quickly pull out of his grasp before Jackson can get to settled with my neck and pull him in front of me, pushing him down onto the bed; he makes a disappointed sound as he grins up at me, "I was enjoying that."

"Tough," I respond as I pull his shirt up over his head, "I'm in charge."

He wiggles his eyebrows at me, "I like this new determined you."

I watch him casually fall back and fold his arms behind his head, he's smiling at me like he really can't believe what I'm doing and suddenly it hits me - I can't believe what I'm doing. I've never done this before; I'm less assertive in bed than I am out of it despite that I walk around like a tough idiot. The truth is I'm scared of everything, it's all just an act to cover the fact I can't cope, it's a rubbish act that doesn't work but still one I cling to desperately.

By now it's clear that the cracks are showing because Jackson's grin has slipped and he's sitting himself back up, "what's wrong?"

I'm rubbing at my head furiously and I desperately want to get out of the room, I don't know what I was thinking.

"Aaron?"

"Nothing."

He stays sat up and stares at me and he knows me so well that I realise I don't have the ability to deceive him, "I just – I don't know what I'm doing."

If Jackson wants to laugh at me he doesn't show it, he probably realises that I just couldn't cope with that reaction especially not when I'm at my most vulnerable, I'd just behave all moody and defiant and probably start a fight with him.

Instead he curls his hand around my arm, "do you want to sleep with me?"

And I do, I really do, I want it so much that I can't put it into words so instead I just nod.

"Then relax," he grins and it comes so easy that I'm a little bit jealous. He pulls at my arm until I'm lying down next to him and he immediately covers me with his body, placing feather light kisses along my neck, "relax Aaron," he can feel how tense I am. I want to relax I really do but the embarrassment and the knowledge of my own failings are ready once again to consume me.

He blows gently on my neck, "relax," I take a deep shuddering breath.

"I want you so badly as well," he's mumbling gently whilst kissing my cheek and his hands find the waist band of my trousers, "you are amazing and so beautiful." I feel his words penetrating my skin and I feel myself smiling once again embarrassed, "I can't wait to make love to you."

I still minutely at his words, 'make love' is that what this is? Does he love me? I wonder for a second and disregard my thoughts, this was one of those movie phrases that people use – no one ever really makes love to one another. Jackson suddenly goes stiff and looks down at me, I can tell he's wondering about my reaction and I stare back at him unsurely, he looks like he wants to say something and a frightened expression fleets across his face before he gives me a cocky smile, "you know what I mean."

I think I do, but I've never been in a proper relationship before so actually I don't.

He waits a second more before pulling up my top and I shiver as it comes off, there's a look in Jackson's eyes as if he's averted disaster but it's gone as soon as he captures my lips. We kiss and it's furious and passionate and it lasts a life time and when he pulls back we are both breathing heavily. He's regarding me intently and I'm aware of him tugging lightly at my jogging bottoms, pulling them down along with my underwear and even though he's seen me naked before I've never felt more anxious.

"Relax."

I take a few deep breaths before reaching for his trousers but he bats my hand away, "let me do it, you just lie there looking pretty." As usual I scowl at him for making that kind of comment but sometimes I think he does it deliberately just to get that reaction. I'd catch him smiling out of the corner of his mouth and then other times when we're alone he'll suddenly grab me and kiss the life out of me. Secretly I wonder if he likes that look, I've tried to stop doing it but it seems ingrained in me.

He doesn't even attempt to hide his smile now, his naked and straddling and looming over me, then before I know it he sits down placing a gentle weight and our groins are touching, my breathing instantly shallows. He leans down trapping my arms above my head and gently begins to swivel his hips, the friction feels so amazing that I curl and try to get a better look but Jackson 's there leaning, ready to catch my lips and I try so desperately to concentrate on the kiss but the delicious friction is too much.

I'm hard, I'm so hard that it's painful and my body seems to shake with the tension and then Jackson pulls me up into a sitting position and he's still grinding against and he's grabbed my head, kissing me like his life depends on it. I feel the low pressure spread to my abdomen as he continues to move against me and everything is building inside me, I can feel the tension coiling up and my breathing gets heavier and heavier against Jackson's mouth but he doesn't let go of my head. He speeds up and holds me tighter and harder and I feel like I can't control my breathing and my whole body is tingling and the pressure inside is pushing outwards trying to expand.

And then I'm cumming and it's one of those long dramatic ones where you feel your stomach muscles spasm as you do, I am in complete loss of control and I'm sure I'm calling out and before I know it Jackson is shuddering above me clinging to me and I feel his hot cum splash across my front.

He's clutching my shoulder tightly trying to ground himself and looks me in the eye. I'm not completely sure what has just happened. I know it was great whatever it was but I also know there was no penetration.

"Jackson what –," I begin but he places his fingers to my lips and shushes me and sits there for a second regaining himself before smiling ruefully.

It's time like this that unnerve me, it's when I realise everything that Jackson is and everything I'm not, it hits me like a slap in the face. He is a man, so confident, so calm, he's knows everything about being himself and understands it all completely, whereas I don't know a thing.

He grins again and reaches down between us gathering something up before sucking on his fingers, it's then that I realise he tasted our mingled cum, he's never done that before and I stare at him wide eyed.

"Try it," I look at him as if he lost his mind but his breath his hot near my lips and suddenly he's pulling on my chin to open my mouth, "try it," and our mouths are so close that we're competing for the same air. He's still as he sits on me and I see his thumb snake towards my lips, "dare you." He hisses, I lean forward ever so gently to encase his thumb, still completely disbelieving that I can bring myself to do this. I suck down not breaking eye contact as he pulls it out and I'm underwhelmed to find it tastes of a salty nothingness. My behaviour seems to turn Jackson on again because suddenly his mouth is too my ear and he's hissing loudly down it, "that was so fucking sexy," the sensation makes me shudder but he holds my head firmly. I nod because it really was and I can't believe I just did that, he carries on whispering down my ear and the feeling is so hot that I know I'm getting hard again. Jackson's having the same reaction and he's grinning against my ear, "lie back," he whispers breathily and it goes straight to my groin.

Once down Jackson starts trailing kisses across my chest, he stops above my nipple and reaches the tip of his tongue out to swipe across the top. I take a deep breath and then quickly he's sucking hard, so hard that I'm curling my hand around the bed sheet and trying not to buck him off, Jackson pulls back and blows gently and I feel myself shivering. Before I'm aware he's moved down and has eloped his mouth around my penis tugging and sucking and alternating between gentle and hard.

"Do you still want me to do it?"

I blink heavily staring up at the ceiling and suddenly what this is a about comes crashing into focus, for a moment I wished he's never asked because he's asking me a question and I need to make a decision, I sit looking down at him. He's kneeling on the floor in front naked and so gorgeous, gently rubbing up and around my penis and messily mixing the cooling cum from earlier, he's also stroking himself and his so flushed.

Anyone who liked that was 'not a real man,' they were my dad's words and they seemed louder than I'd ever heard them before. I look at Jackson and realise the spark had gone from his eyes – he can see my doubt and I'm sure a part of him wished he'd never asked but then that's not the type of person Jackson is, he was a man - the type of Man who _did_ enjoy it.

"I want it."

Quickly Jackson reaches up and grabs my head, kissing me passionately and I let him do this and I'm barely able to respond, he holds me still and looks deep into my eyes, "It will be alright."

"I know," I mouth, I'm too overwhelmed to get the words out.

He moves back down to the foot over the bed and pauses for a moment spreading my legs as he does, I tense momentarily and he's lowering his head and then I'm aware of a sensation, he's spread my arse checks and flicking his tongue over my hole. I jump automatically but it's not from anything other than shock and he's holding me down and continuing, licking me and moving his thumb over my opening. I hiss because it feels amazing and then he starts sucking on my penis again, all the while I'm aware of him pressing a finger into my hole and whilst it's horribly scary it's also bizarrely exciting.

"Turn over," I freeze not understanding him and he smiles at me, "get on your knees,"

I remember years ago when I got my hands on some gay porn, listening to some guy say the same words to another; I must have been about 15 years old and was horrified by its content as much as my reaction. I threw that DVD away almost every day but always ended up retrieving it from the bin until finally I set fire to the disk hoping it would be the end to my problem. It wasn't because ever since then I've wanted some guy to say the same thing to me.

"Ok."

I know Jackson is grinning again as he helps me to kneel down on all fours, I feel strangely vulnerable and hear Jackson moving around behind me, he kisses my lower back and when his fingers return to my hole they feel cold and coated, "it's lubricant, it will help."

I know what it is because I've seen it before; it was an accident one morning when looking through Jackson sock draw for a spare pair. At the very back had been the discreet black and silver bottle and I had had to read the label before realising what it was. I'd dropped it immediately, panicked at its content and stuffed his socks back in hoping to erase it from memory by merely taking it out of sight. But later I'd gone back to look at it again, just like with the porn.

Jackson's hands are moving around and I'm unsure how many fingers he's using because I simply cannot concentrate, I've never felt this before, never even experimented and I'm breathless from the sensation. I feel him kissing my arse cheeks and stroking my penis all the while playing with my hole and I can't comprehend how amazing this is, I'm alternating between holding my breath in pain and shuddering eagerly. He stops and moves around for a moment and I hear a rustling of something before I feel it, the tip of his penis pressing into my arse and it's wider than what went before, I immediately clench.

"Calm down," he begins and he's massaging my lower back and I feel my legs shaking from holding my weight up. He leans over me, pulling me up and wraps his arms around my chest, "It's ok," and he's nibbling on my ear and gently blowing against my neck. I nod and slowly return to my kneeling position; I feel him pushing into me and forget to breathe as he does. He moves slowly pushing in and out and I think I'm being stretched beyond capability and it hurts to think and I can't possibly find any air. Then he stops and he's inside me, I can feel every inch as my muscles spasm around him and I can't help but wonder if this makes me less of a man.

"You ok?" he whispers against my back, I can't find the words and the next thing I know he's reached round and taken my penis into his hand and stroking it gently. I blink feeling the edge of my vision darken at the dual sensation happening and then before I know it I'm moving backwards and forwards on his cock, behind me he groans.

"Oh god Aaron," his groan elates something in me and I move around more, the pain is horrible and yet wonderful and I can't understand it. "Oh god Aaron," he breathes again and then he confidently starts moving back and forwards against me and I grit my teeth as I twist the bed sheet in my hand.

"You like it?" he's breathing hard, barely getting his words out and I'm surprised to realise that I really am, I nod my head unable to speak and he picks up speed. I then suddenly feel a shock as if a bolt of lightning had just gone through my body and I jerk and I don't know what just happened. Above me Jackson stops and I hear him chuckle, he leans back over me all sweaty and breathing heavily. "You feel that?" I nod, he's still inside as he sucks just beside my ear and swipes a hand across my nipple, I'm struggling to stay on all fours but at the same time it's amazing, "that's the best part."

I don't understand what he means but I want it to continue too much to waste time asking him and he chuckles again before getting back up. Before I know what's happening he's turned me over and I'm now lying on my back, never leaving me he continues pressing in gently at first and then picks up speed again. Quickly and almost suddenly those bolts return and I'm overcome with sensation, I can't help but call out Jackson's name and he's pushing into me so deeply and I feel that every part of me is on fire.

And that's when it happens again because I'm cumming and the orgasm is intense and the black edges to my vision return and I'm calling out because I can't control myself. I hear Jackson groan loudly and I see his face scrunch up in concentration then I know he's following me and he seems to shudder forever before finally opening his eyes. Immediately he falls on top of me, still inside as he does and grabs at my head, desperately searching for my lips and kisses me over and over uncontrollably. I can barely react even as he's wildly stroking my face and staring into my eyes, he seems overwhelmed and I am too shocked to concentrate on why. All I know is that he's still inside me and I don't want him to leave.

When he does leave I feel strange, when he pulls off the condom it's weird and I watch him unsure of how to behave or what to say. He's just grinning down at me as he wobbles around his room naked and searching out a towel and I still can't say a word as he wipes us both down.

My Dad would say I wasn't a real man now, Cain could confirm that there is always a man and a women in gay relationships although Ryan would say he was over stereotyping – I couldn't help but wonder if we were a stereotype?

Jackson chucks the dirty towel towards the corner of the bedroom and he looks down at me curiously, he also seems apprehensive, "You've not said a word, did I give you brain damage?"

It's either brain damage or clarity I'm not sure which and too be honest I'm tired of always analysing everything I am, he's looking at me now and I know it's his 'here we go again face'.

"You gonna lie down with me then?"

Jackson eye brow rises in response, "I thought you'd never ask," and then he dives next to me like an excited and yet exhausted school boy. We lay like this for a while and he's unable to keep his hands from roaming across me, stroking lazily and I think he is still being carried on the high of what we'd just experience together, he looks like the cat that got the cream.

"So," he starts, "marks out of ten?" I give him one of my fierce glares and he grins out of the corner of his mouth, "Ok then was it better than my cooking?

My face cracks into a tired smile and I can't help but trace his lips with my fingers, "I don't know we've not had dinner yet."

"Is that a hint?"

"Guess so."

"Better peel those spuds then huh – but you're helping."

I groan loudly just for the sake of it and Jackson gets up grabbing my t-shirt and is about to throw it at me when he pauses mid throw and looks down at me. I'm still laid on the bed and he suddenly looks like he needs to say something important, "Aaron I –"

I wait whilst he swallows hard because this seems a big deal to him.

"Aaron I…," he licks his lips and pauses and then shakes his head, " I want to hold you for just a little bit longer, we can cook in a bit."

I blush but also frown, "that's what you want to say?"

"Yeah."

"I see," I look at him curiously and if that isn't what he wanted to say then he's not giving it away, he's standing there hands on hips and grins at me cheekily, "is that alright with you?"

I think it over for a second but it's not a difficult decision, I'm going to forget my Dad and Cain and even Ryan. Instead I roll my eyes and flash him a small smile of my own,

"Yeah, that's ok with me."

**The End**


End file.
